8 Steps to a Non-Ripe Dog

1. Start the water FIRST.

2. Play to the dog's weakness.  Shake the treat bag all the way into the bathroom.  Ignore the dog's expression of utter betrayal when you shut the door behind him.

3. Pull out a treat and take it with you into the shower.  Ignore the dog's expression, which has now changed to weary resignation, as you shut the shower door behind him. 

4. Wet down and soap up the dog, wondering all the while how it is that a dog who was bred for hunting hates water.  Wouldn't that be a bit of a detriment?

5. Speak soothingly to him as you rinse him off.  Ignore the telepathic waves he's sending you which scream, "you SUCK, woman!  SUUUUUUCK!!!!  And I'm stealing your place on the couch the second I get a chance, and I'm NOT getting down!"

6. Turn the water off.  Watch him hunch over, too depressed by his nasty new clean shampoo smell to even shake the water off himself.  Start singing "Shake Your Beagle" a la KC and the Sunshine Band, with very little effect other than your own personal amusement.

7. After he finally shakes, towel him off.  Head into the laundry room where you have several towels and a space heater waiting, and lure the dog in there with another treat.  Block him in and leave him to wonder how he could be such a treat whore that he manages to get himself into this situation EVERY DAMNED TIME.

8. Enjoy your sparkly, shiny dog who no longer smells like a foot.

Sorry, Buster-Beast.  You still know I love you, right?

Comments

[Scott-O-Rama]

Cute pup!

I like step #6. I'm singing "Shake Your Beagle" right now. I'm mixing it with "Feliz Navidad" (aka "There's Fleas on My Dog").

My pups are NOT amused.

[chelle]

oh my He is adorable and I imagine a lot better smelling now!